Tangerine's Dream: Questions & Answers
- What are Tangerine's Dream swinger parties like?
- What should I wear?
- If the party has a theme, do I have to come in theme attire?
- What’s the best time to arrive?
- Will I be approached by a bunch of guys the moment I walk in the door?
- This will be my first party and I’m a bit nervous – what should I expect?
- Will I be expected to participate?
- Can I just watch?
- Is it OK if my partner and I just play together?
- What if I DON'T want to play with someone who wants to play with me?
- What if I DO want to play with someone -- how do I ask?
- What if someone touches me that I don’t want to?
- What if I want to touch someone?
- We’re only interested in a foursome with another couple…
- We’re only interested in a threesome with another woman…
- We’re only interested in a threesome with another man…
- Do people use drugs at your parties?
- What about medical marijuana?
- 1. What are Tangerine's Dream swinger parties like?
- Tangerine's Dream swinger parties are incredibly fun!
- They're just like other adult cocktail parties in many respects, but there are a couple big differences. First the obvious: many (but not all) of the people attending will adjourn to play areas to have sex with one another, or to watch people having sex. Second, and less obvious: it's rare to see people drink to excess at lifestyle parties. (Swingers tend not to be heavy drinkers -- we have something more fun to do than drink!)
- All the normal conventions and manners of mainstream adult parties apply -- people chat, laugh, eat, drink, dance, renew friendships, and get to know people they’ve just met -- just with added benefits, for those who want to participate.
- Lifestyle -- swinger -- parties give you variety in your sex life, with the full knowledge and participation of your partner. Lifestyle couples have no incentive to cheat, which is one of the reasons that couples who swing have a much lower divorce rate than the general public.
2. What should I wear?
Dress to Impress!
Hot sexy outfits, fashionable club wear for men, whatever makes you look and feel the best. Coming to one of our parties is like going to a hot nightclub; once you're in the door, you can be as sexy or risqué as you want.
- IMPORTANT: Unless it's a "James Dean" theme party, NO T-SHIRTS, CASUAL JEANS, SNEAKERS, SANDALS, OR SHORTS!
- 3. If the party has a theme, do I have to come in theme attire?
- No, Dress to Impress is always fine, although theme attire adds to the fun.
4. What’s the best time to arrive?
The doors open at 8:30 PM for Tangerine's Dream parties, and guests are asked to arrive before 10:30. Arriving early is better -- you'll want time to relax and meet a variety of people, before couples start heading back to the bedrooms.
5. Will I be approached by a bunch of guys the moment I walk in the door?
No, that won't happen. What will happen is this: at some locations, parking staff to escort you to the front door, and at all locations, we'll have front door staff to greet you and check you in as soon as you enter.Tangerine and Brian strive to give individual, personal orientations to all new couples, and if we're not giving an orientation or a tour, we'll generally be close to the entrance, so we can greet you once you've checked in.Once you get settled, people of both sexes will want say hi -- our members are friendly, and they're at the party to meet you, as much as you're there to meet them.
6. This will be my first party and I’m a bit nervous – what should I expect?
We get 'newbies' at almost every party, and we work hard to provide a safe, relaxed & comfortable atmosphere. While there’s a wide range of what newbies feel comfortable doing, a typical first party would be to socialize with other guests for an hour or two, then go back to one of the play areas to watch, and then perhaps to play together as a couple.
Occasionally, a first-time couple or single will be so comfortable, excited and eager, that she, he, or they will be ready to play with others at that initial party, and that is terrific when it happens!
You should also expect to talk with your partner a lot, before the party, at the party, and after – about how you feel, what you think you’re ready for, what you want, what you DON’T want, what you were feeling while at the party, what you want to do next time, etc. New couples often create a set of rules that allow them to explore within their comfort zone; to set limits that keep them feeling safe and comfortable -- 'It's OK to do this, it's not OK to do that.'
It’s interesting to note that couples who embrace the lifestyle nearly always find their communication skills become better and better, which we believe is one of the reasons for the very low divorce rate among experienced lifestyle couples. (Another reason is that you get to have variety in your sex life, while remaining honest with your partner. That means lifestyle couples have no incentive to cheat.)
7. Will I be expected to participate?Of course not!
Lifestyle play is a consensual adult activity. There are always people at our parties who choose not to participate in any given night -- she's not comfortable playing 'at that time of the month,' he's just getting over a cold, this is their first party and they they've agreed to not yet swap, etc.
8. Can I just watch? Sure! But be considerate.
In the group areas, it’s expected that people will watch, but in the more intimate bedrooms, make sure it’s OK with the people there before you go in. If you've ever been to one of those clubs where guys stand around in white towels playing with themselves while watching, don't worry; that does not happen at our parties. (We think it's creepy, too!)
9. Is it OK if my partner and I just play together?
We recommend that you do! It’s a great way for couples to connect with each other, and a great way for new couples to begin to explore the lifestyle. (We'll often play with each other when we attend other clubs or private parties, along with playing with others...)
10. What if I DON'T want to play with someone who wants to play with me?
That happens. Everyone in the lifestyle feels that way at times. Just tell the person that you’re not interested, using whatever words feel most comfortable to you. We often hear “No thank you” or “Maybe later” or “Not now – I need to...(go to the bathroom) (get some water) (go out on the deck to cool off)," etc.
11. What if I DO want to play with someone -- how do I ask?
If you’ve been chatting for a while and you’re wondering how to steer the conversation toward play, just ask: “My (wife, husband, partner) and I were wondering if you’d like to play with us” or “We’re really attracted to you both, would you like go to a play area & have some fun?” or even just “Wanna go... (insert your favorite play word here)?”
12. What if someone touches me that I don’t want to?
It is definitely NOT OK for someone to touch you without your clear consent – this is a consensual adult activity. Don’t feel uncomfortable about saying, “No thank you” and/or removing the person’s hand. If the same person touches you again, be firm or let your partner indicate you're not interested. Also, tell Tangerine, Brian, or any of our volunteer party staff, so we can address the issue with that person.
13. What if I want to touch someone?
Just ask – “Is it OK if I touch you?” If it’s a couple, be sure to get approval from BOTH partners before touching the one you’re interested in. And recognize that "yes" to touching does NOT mean you have consent to do more. Be sure to ask before progressing further.
14. We’re only interested in a foursome with another couple…
No problem; just let your wishes be known during your conversations. Many couples are interested in foursomes -- that's how Tangerine and Brian started out. The key thing is to pick out the couples you're both interested in and go chat with them, or else have a way to communicate with your partner, in the middle of a conversation with another couple, that you are interested in playing with that couple. (You want to make sure your partner is interested in the couple, before you ask them if they'd like to play.)
IMPORTANT: If you and your partner get asked to play with another a couple, but only one of you wants to play and the other wants to watch, be sure you tell the other couple in advance. From the other couple's perspective, it's no fun going into what you thinks is a foursome, only to find the person you're supposed to be playing is focused on watching his or her partner, instead of playing with you.
15. We’re only interested in a threesome with another woman…
- No problem, just let your wishes be known during your conversations. We have single women members who attend parties, plus quite a few couples will play with or without their partner, meaning there are a lot of available 'single' women.
- 16. We’re only interested in a threesome with another man…
- No problem, just let your wishes be known during your conversations. We permit only a few single men at our regular Tangerine's Dream parties, but quite a few couples can play with or without their partner, meaning there are a lot of available 'single' men.
Ladies' Choice parties are different -- those parties are for women who want to play with multiple men during the evening, so we invite roughly the same number of single men as couples. Those are WILD parties, with lots and lots of play, and lots of very satisfied women and men by the end of the evening.
- 17. Do people use drugs at your parties?
- NO! ILLEGAL DRUGS ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED, for obvious reasons. Guests found to have illegal drugs at our parties or events will be asked to leave.
- 18. What about medical marijuana?
- Edibles are OK, as long as you don't share them with others. Smoking is NOT OK at our parties or parked outside. We have members with sensitive jobs, who have been counseled that even second-hand smoke could cause them to fail required drug tests. Please be considerate and don't put others at risk.
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